Tuesday, February 18, 2014

A Thing I Haven't Talked About




My dear friend Tracy commented on my last post that, "you aren't talking at all about what it's going to be like without Lindsay there  each day."

She's right.  I haven't.  It's not that I am so sad and not wanting to face reality, I guess it is because in so many ways life will go on as usual.  School with the younger kids, watching Kamryn, cello lessons, piano lessons, meals to cook.

But there will be a place without my firstborn girl in it.  She will be happily married and keeping a home of her own.  She is going to be working part time for awhile as well, and so we know that even though she is only 10 minutes away, we will likely only see them on Sundays, at least for a while.


I think that it will take time for it to hit me that she's not just away - and I hope that it will hit me as change and not a loss.  I know I haven't lost her - the relationship just naturally changes.  In some ways those changes will bring us closer as women, and in some ways those changes will rightly separate us.  She will now be Joseph's wife, not one of my right hands!  She will be doing what we helped prepare her to do.  She is ready and excited!



I am thankful for what the Lord has brought along this past year for Lindsay.  I am thankful for her knee injury, too, as it caused her to not be able to work for nearly 16 weeks.  She was home during those weeks, and we also got to travel to Scotland together!  Those extra special days together are a gift that God gave to Lindsay and I!


In a practical way, I am going to miss her cooking, and her nearly always making sure there is a pot of tea.  I will look forward to inviting them to dinner, and being invited to their home for tea and conversation.  I look forward to shopping with her, and to seeing her furnish her home, and one day prepare for a baby to join their family.

I will likely cry at her wedding - but not selfish, or sad tears but tears of joy and pride.  For I am proud of Lindsay and Joseph.  They both have chosen well and they have made good choices to honor God with their lives both before the wedding, as well as for their future as well.  

Will I miss her?  Oh yes!  But I am thankful for the 22 years we have had her in our home, and it is right for her to move on to her own family and home.  I remember how I was ready for that too, and how 'right' it felt to be joining my life to Tim's.  I never want my children to feel badly that they are ready to be adults.  I remember my grandma asked Tim and I after we were married for a short time if we weren't sorry that we were married. Did we regret getting married?  We weren't and we didn't and we still don't.  We are happy to be married.  And Lindsay is happy to be marrying Joseph and he is happy to be marrying her!


Our family is expanding.  Another branch of descendants is beginning.  I hope that one day my grandkids and great grands and great greats will look back and talk about Grandma Dee who loved her family so much, and could plan a good party and shared Jesus with them!  I don't care if I do crazy things and they laugh about it because we do that about my grandma and she is remembered with much love and affection.

I can truly say that I am laughing at the years to come!  Joy, real joy ahead.

14 comments:

  1. My! Mrs. Rabe, how young they look!! Love that first photo. It's a keeper. How well I remember when my children left home for their own lives. It was a challenging time with the emptiness of our nest.

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    1. They are young Jean, 20 and 22 but they are both ready and they love the Lord and will both grow together! God is good.

      I am thankful that I won't have an empty nest for many years to come!

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  2. All you express is so normal. Change is welcome, inevitable, but not usually easy. I think you will find new joy in your relationship, an enriching as she becomes a married woman. But be sure to have that hanky at the wedding! (another old fashioned term, hanky!)

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    1. I love the hanky idea! So much nicer than Kleenex!

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  3. Oh, this is such a touching post! You are so wise to have chosen to embrace the changes.

    I have walked this road myself, two times so far. I was so joyful for my children...and yet, there was a definite grieving period for me both times. It was the end of a joyful part of our lives. (You're right that it should be. It is unhealthy --and wrong-- to cling to the mommy/child relationship.) But it was also the beginning of new joys each time...and I am amazed at how quickly the family dynamic adapts to the shifting roles as children leave the nest.

    Blessings to all of you as you enjoy these remaining days together...and as you prepare for a lifetime of loving relationships!

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    1. I love your heart Cheryl! Thank you for your friendship and kindred spiritness!

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  4. When I opened this this morning, I was not prepared for the tears I am shedding right now!! Love you, Friend! Many of us moms will be crying right along with you at the wedding. In fact, I bet even some Dads' eyes will "sweat" - I know Don's will!!

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    1. That is the truth, Jen! I know that there will be tears but they will be happy tears!

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  5. You have a great perspective on this, Deanna. Wonderfully written!

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  6. Amen! So beautifully said, Deanna. Anything less would be completely damaging. Here's to looking forward and moving on in grace. And tears at the wedding? Oh sure. But far more laughter!

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  7. Dear Mrs. Rabe. I know exactly how you feel. I have been through this three times....but I can tell you yes, you will cry bittersweet tears at her wedding. Once it's over, you will experience much happiness and joy...your family has now grown and she will blossom with her own life, just as you prepared her for. It's going to all be so very good!

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  8. Dear Mrs. Rabe...having been through three of my children getting married, I can tell you, yes, you will cry bittersweet tears at her wedding. Once it's over, you will experience much happiness. Your family has grown and it's going to all be so very good. Embrace it!

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  9. I used a pretty hankie, too. I can't remember who recommended it. :)

    It was really hard for me when Stephanie married because I knew she would eventually move to New England. Her husband already had a job offer at his former college when he finished his PhD here.

    But I wasn't ready for the sadness that overwhelmed me that first year after Christopher married. Even though he had lived on campus a few months and then had an apartment near campus for awhile. I guess it was that he was still very much a part of my life at that time so I was still an active kid-almost-at-home Mom. Then when he was married, we didn't see him often (and still do not see him often) so it was like dropping into the Empty Nest Syndrome.

    But I started not only getting used to it but enjoying things like using his room for a Study and realizing his wife is now responsible for that mountain of laundry, hehehe. And we love his wife, who is a wonderful Christian young woman. We don't see each other often because they are both so busy with work but he called this morning asking if I wanted to have lunch. So now I treasure the times together.

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