I've Been Dealing With Grief And Didn't Realize It
I'm sitting in my living room this morning, and I hear the sound of the cicada's singing loudly. This is the first time this summer that I've really noticed them. We are half way through July, and for us that means we have two more weeks before we get back to school!
My grandma, G.Lily, always talked about how fast the years flew by, and its so true. In a few weeks we won't have any non teens/young adults. My baby will be 13!
When we are in the midst of our busy lives, its easy for the years to go by and hardly notice. Then one day, you say how'd my kid get to be 29 years old? He's older now than I was when I had him! Crazy isn't it?
In talking about how fast life goes, and changes that are an inevitable part of growing and life, I realize I've not talked about something here on my blog that has been challenging for us as a family, but it was a necessary thing.
After 10 years at our church, we made the difficult decision to leave about 2 months ago. Over the last four years nearly 60 people have left our church, including all the people who used to come over on Sunday afternoons and stay into the evenings, building community and fellowship together. It was a joy.
Last year, we looked around and realized that nearly everyone who was interesting in building community had left the church. We are still very close with them, and get together regularly. We realized that the young adults in our church, had watched the community building and learned from it during these years, and they had built community together and share life together not just on Sundays but during the week, too.
These wonderful young people were now the ones at our home every Sunday and during the winter on Wednesday nights. They meet for games and food, they have times of prayer and Bible study. They've done it all on their own. We couldn't be more proud of them.
Yet seeing what they had, made us miss what we had had. It helped us realize that the dynamic at church had changed. There were now only three families with kids. We continued to pray about church.
Then Lindsay and Joseph left the church, and Joseph's sister Laura. A few weeks later we left, too. Since then its been a flood. Joseph's brother Daniel left, then one of the two remaining families left.
We heard hurtful things like "well maybe now that the negative people are gone things might be better." OUCH!
Then the other remaining family left and a single guy. Now the church has no families left, and no young people.
I've been grieving. My heart hurts at the loss of what we'd had there. We've been going to a church we like, and giving ourselves time. We didn't leave with anger, or bitterness. We still care about the church and the people there very much. We just knew it was time for us, as a family, to leave.
I also have realized during this time, that I'd started grieving last year, after another family had left. I didn't recognize it, I called it "discouragement," but now I know better.
I'm seeing how this grieving has affected other areas of my life. This last year has been challenging for me on many levels, I've gained about 15 pounds, and sometimes just couldn't muster the energy to do much. I also lacked an enthusiasm toward life, which I've always had.
That's changing, though, I can see it and feel it. My old 'spark' is back. (grin) I've got a renewed sense of joy and I'm ready to tackle paint projects, homeschool, my eating plan and more.
I'm grateful for God who never changes, and is full of loving kindness and mercy. He's been my constant friend throughout and I'm so thankful.
Thanks for listening friends.