Monday, July 16, 2018

I've Been Dealing With Grief And Didn't Realize It

I'm sitting in my living room this morning, and I hear the sound of the cicada's singing loudly.  This is the first time this summer that I've really noticed them.  We are half way through July, and for us that means we have two more weeks before we get back to school! 

My grandma, G.Lily, always talked about how fast the years flew by, and its so true.  In a few weeks we won't have any non teens/young adults.  My baby will be 13!

When we are in the midst of our busy lives, its easy for the years to go by and hardly notice.  Then one day, you say how'd my kid get to be 29 years old?  He's older now than I was when I had him!  Crazy isn't it?

In talking about how fast life goes, and changes that are an inevitable part of growing and life, I realize I've not talked about something here on my blog that has been challenging for us as a family, but it was a necessary thing.

After 10 years at our church, we made the difficult decision to leave about 2 months ago.  Over the last four years nearly 60 people have left our church, including all the people who used to come over on Sunday afternoons and stay into the evenings,  building community and fellowship together.  It was a joy.  

Last year, we looked around and realized that nearly everyone who was interesting in building community had left the church.  We are still very close with them, and get together regularly.  We realized that the young adults in our church, had watched the community building and learned from it during these years, and they had built community together and share life together not just on Sundays but during the week, too.

These wonderful young people were now the ones at our home every Sunday and during the winter on Wednesday nights.  They meet for games and food, they have times of prayer and Bible study.  They've done it all on their own.  We couldn't be more proud of them.

Yet seeing what they had, made us miss what we had had.  It helped us realize that the dynamic at church had changed.  There were now only three families with kids.  We continued to pray about church.

Then Lindsay and Joseph left the church, and Joseph's sister Laura.  A few weeks later we left, too.  Since then its been a flood.  Joseph's brother Daniel left, then one of the two remaining families left.

We heard hurtful things like "well maybe now that the negative people are gone things might be better."  OUCH! 

Then the other remaining family left and a single guy.  Now the church has no families left, and no young people. 

I've been grieving.  My heart hurts at the loss of what we'd had there.  We've been going to a church we like, and giving ourselves time.  We didn't leave with anger, or bitterness.  We still care about the church and the people there very much.  We just knew it was time for us, as a family, to leave.

I also have realized during this time, that I'd started grieving last year, after another family had left.  I didn't recognize it, I called it "discouragement," but now I know better.

I'm seeing how this grieving has affected other areas of my life.  This last year has been challenging for me on many levels, I've gained about 15 pounds, and sometimes just couldn't muster the energy to do much.  I also lacked an enthusiasm toward life, which I've always had. 

That's changing, though, I can see it and feel it.  My old 'spark' is back.  (grin)  I've got a renewed sense of joy and I'm ready to tackle paint projects, homeschool, my eating plan and more.

I'm grateful for God who never changes, and is full of loving kindness and mercy.  He's been my constant friend throughout and I'm so thankful.

Thanks for listening friends.


  1. 🙏🏼 May each one land right where God has planted him or her. Those who leave are grieved over by those who remain and sometimes hurtful things are said out of that pain. Don’t take it personally. Just follow The Lord’s direction. Who knows what He might do next! 😁

  2. Praying God will lead you to the right place.

    Grieving is a normal process....

  3. I can relate to what you write and know it can be discouraging to leave a church after finding so much good there. Did you find another church to join? I know finding a new church home was the best healing for me after I left a church five years ago. One friend told me, churches are family and families are messy and she has a point.

  4. Oh dear...I understand why you are grieving and didn't realize it until you were into the process. Praying for your peace and stability, Deanna.❤️

  5. Oh dear friend, here comes a hug! My Step-daughter and her family left their Church at the end of last year. They found a Church that suits them perfectly. While it was hard to leave the Church they had been a member of for years, the move was made after lots of prayer. I pray that you find your new Church home and get you spunk back! HUGS!

  6. These transitions in life are very difficult which you know. I will be in prayer for you all. Hugs.

  7. Our family experienced this several years ago. After being very involved for many years with our former church, it was time for us to leave. It was a major change and adjustment for us and, yes, we experienced a form of grief. I think it was an appropriate feeling at that time. But like everything God does in our lives, it was right and SO MUCH good, so many blessings, have been given to us through our following God's direction. I feel sure it will be the same for you and your family.

  8. praying you through this transition, knowing the Lord is doing 'heart surgery' and bringing you to His place of rest. may you all be comforted in His wing's expanse. you're so loved. ♥

  9. I remember one church we attended that we loved and within a couple months, everything changed. The root of that change had been there for awhile but we didn't see it at the time. Unfortunately, it was one of the most painful situations we (and others) went through as it became a personal attack. Honestly, it was so heart wrenching that I never did recover my love for the church as I had previously. After that, I spent years in a church I wasn't really happy with just because it was "safe".

    I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact Stephanie turned 40 in December. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was shocked that I TURNED 40? ;)

  10. Change is never easy and can weigh on our hearts heavily for sure. I am sorry that you have been hurting, but glad to hear that you are feeling more yourself lately. Hopefully there are some really fabulous new moments of fellowship on your horizon. Hugs.


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