Hospitality, Friendship, Encouragement

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

What Do You Think?

I really appreciated all the wonderful comments on my blog in the last few weeks, especially the personal ones.  You're all so very kind, and I'm delighted to be your friend.

We addressed the wedding invitations last night!  We have a challenge and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  The groom has a lot of relatives and we are wondering where to draw the line (or if we can).   There are many cousins he doesn't really know and then there is the issue of his cousins' children. 

I'm in the camp that you don't need to invite people that you don't really know, even if they are related to you, and especially not their children. 

I didn't grow up with my cousins, and don't know them. So while I invited my aunt and uncle to my wedding, I didn't invite their children.  With my kids' weddings, even my aunt and uncle weren't invited.  They don't live in the same state and my children barely know them.

With the costs for weddings being what they are, I feel that you should invite people that you know and really care to have there to celebrate with you.  You shouldn't have to leave people, you really want to come, off your invitation list, because you feel obligated to invite someone because they are related to you. This is, of course, when you are trying to keep your numbers down.  We are well over 200 right now.

We also know that not everyone invited will be able to attend.

What do you think?


  1. I don't know if this helps, but when our daughter married, the venue was limited to about 100 guests for the ceremony and reception. We invited only close family and friends and then sent out formal printed announcements after the wedding. It's kind of old fashioned, but as far as I know, no one had a problem with it.

  2. I definitely have an opinion about this! Ron's family is large and so we ran into this issue with all three of my children's weddings. We chose to invite the aunts and uncles (Ron's siblings and their spouses), but not the cousins and their spouses and children. Although there are no bad relationships with any cousins, my children are not particularly close with most of them. As the numbers run up rather quickly, this seemed to be a simple way to control it. (If money and space were no object, we would definitely have invited all of them.) My own side of the family is significantly smaller and my children did have closer relationships with those cousins (we used to visit them lots when they lived out of state!), so they were on the invitation list.

    It does get complicated and you don't wish to exclude anyone, but at the end of the day, it is Rachel and Wes's wedding and they should be able to invite people that they want to share in their special day!

  3. I agree. The relatives will actually be grateful that they weren’t invited. (At least, I always am.) It is so true that we don’t maintain a closeness with all the extended family. It’s not possible.

  4. I am absolutely with you, Deanna, when you say "I feel that you should invite people that you know and really care to have there to celebrate with you. You shouldn't have to leave people, you really want to come, off your invitation list, because you feel obligated to invite someone because they are related to you. " If the groom barely knows these cousins, he is definitely not obligated to invite them. My own kids grew up with some of their cousins as close friends, so naturally they invited them, but people he doesn't really know? No obligation to invite them, from my point of view.

  5. Totally agree with your thoughts, Deanna. It's nice to invite the older members of a family as they will have known you all for the longest time and have a real interest in you all.
    Weddings are a huge expense and you cannot cater for all, much as you might like to.

  6. I am with you. If you don't know them they probably would not expect an invitation.

  7. I am in total agreeance with you. I am going to tell a short version on what happened to me...

    When we first announced our engagement, my mother took over; booked this or that, had a guest list of well over 600. Then the worse thing happened, the Marines wouldn't allow my husband to come home. Big church wedding/dinner was cancelled, and 2 years later (unforeseen issues-husband was hurt while in the Marines) we had a small intimate wedding in front of my parents fireplace by the Justice of the Peace. It all worked out in the end. It really has harbored bad feelings, even all these years later.

    ...nonetheless, since it is mostly the brides parents that pay- I would say have an honest talk with all parties involved. Don't let any feelings fester is a big issue. Personally, I 'get it'-wanting to have a big wedding/reception etc. truly I do. For the record, I have never regretted not having that big wedding/dinner. Just saying.

  8. Personally (but I'm weird) I'm less than thrilled to get invitations from relatives I've had little contact with over the years. It's awkward.

  9. I am with you. The bride and groom should invite their friends, family they are really close with and let that be it!!

  10. I completely agree with you, close friends and family is always best. I've done it both ways and after all is said and done, less was more. Follow your heart.

    The future bride and groom are such a cute couple!!

  11. I would go with relatives that I am close to. I understand when it's not possible to include me and sometimes it's a relief. I'm with Rebecca on this.


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